so it's been a long time since i posted in here, i guess that's mostly because i used this blog as a sort of diary, something that i could confide in. 
and then i thought, that i didn't need it anymore, because for the first time that i can remember, i am happy, like really happy :)
i have a boyfriend now, and am in love... i'm proud of myself, because i realized sex is the easy part, it's giving your heart to someone, that's the hard part.
it's not only due to him that i'm happy, it's more that along with him everything just sort of fell into place.

i have great friends, that are always there for me and i guess my life is sort of taking its form and starting to make sence.
at least on some level, on the other i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i'm almost finished with school and then there is this greaty empty nothingness that's waiting for me...
so many people already have their life figured out and planned and i'm still sitting here and waiting for some sudden spark of inspiration to hit me. because right now i dont know anything. 
sometimes i just want to get out of berlin, just for a short while, and experience some other culture and maybe find who i am. but i dont want to leave my boyfriend, i know they say true love conquers all and distance shouldn't be a problem at least for some time... but to tell the truth i don't want to test it and i guess i don't want to be alone.

so what am i going to do?
at the moment i'm just sort of avoiding and pushing it away, always finding excuses not to think about. like for example using studying as an excuse, which is another point, if i want to stay in berlin and go to college here, i have to have like a perfect gpa and i won't have that..
but i guess i can't avoid it forever