so i havent written anything in like forever but i guess there wasnt anything to write about.
i have summer hols at the moment and all across berlin things are slow and warm and everyone just has the perfect summer feeling, its my favorite time of year.
not a lot has been happening ive been hanging out with a couple of people, but nothing spectaculaire. i acctually really feel bad, because the more time i spend with my so-called friends, i realize how annoying i think they are. is that selfish, and ignorant? probably, but maybe im the problem and i just dont fit in, but whichever way it is. i just dont think i can bare another afternoon with these people, the things they talk about, youd think they are retarded or something. but thats mean, i shouldnt being saying that, because they are good people and they can be really sweet. i guess it just really doesnt fit. but there isnt a lot i can do about it, i mean i cant go to them and tell them to just leave me alone, because it wouldnt be fair and hurt theyre feelings, i think, i hope.
so what do i do? i close my eyes, breathe in and out magically put a smile on my face, smoke a cigarette and try not to think. sometimes it really is relaxing, it gets me out of the reality especially of the reality of my world being so different to theirs. sometimes it just feels good to belong to teh group and pretend like your only problem is whick bikini to wear to the beach.