its monday, the worst day of the week if you ask me. sunday evening i always sit in my bed telling  myself this week will be better and monday night i realize it wont. its all just the same, life just passes by, nothing happens. its all more or less the same, gossip dies and new one comes up and thats it. happiness is still a mystery and love far away. i have my best friend, who always cheerleads for me and tells me everything will be fine and the boy isnt good enough, and i guess shes right. i mean shes always right, so im just going to have to trust her, but it doesnt make life any easier. 
im not saying, that im not happy, i am. i have great friends, i have fun and i dont spend a day without laughing or smiling alot, but having the one boy would make me even happier. and seeing him every day makes it so difficult to forget him.
and telling myself he isnt good enough doesnt help, because when will i meet the next guy who likes me, who thinks im beautiful and likes me for me? 
my best friends keeps telling me, that im beautiful, every day, and it helps, it keeps my confidence up for a while. sometimes i actually believe her, other times i dont. mostly however i just try to walk around like the queen of the world, walking around with a strut (and yes sometimes i do feel utterly stupid, but it helps) and way too much arrogance and i put on the i-dont.care-what-you-think-bacuase-im-awesome attitude. its like an extra piece of clothing i put on, on top of my normal clothing, (which is sometimes i have to admit more or less non-existent, but thats another story) when i get home i pull it off and am the vulnerable little girl full of self doubt and in the morning before i leave the house i put it on, making me feel safe and knowing i can handle the things life throws into my face day after day.