so you all dont really know a lot about me, okay so from the last two posts you know, that i like fashion, have big mouth and think im the queen of the world.
but what you dont know about me is, who i am when nobody is watching, who i am at my happiest and sadest
moments and what they are. you dont know the part of me that sometimes just wants to give up,but no one knows that part of me.
hannah just started writing a book, she let me read the first couple of pages. it is going to be a huge success someday, you knwo what they say about people, who have rhythm in their blood? well she has writing in her blood.
im so impressed by her, the way shes writing about the feeling that everyone has, just being lost in the world thats out there, not knowing where you belong and what youre supposed to do with your life. im impressed because just like that she can reveal her vulnerability. and that is the most difficult thing that you can do. it makes you a target to be hurt and takes away all your security.
but never the less, she just does it, she just lives and on the way shell learn how to handle her problems and especially her fears. i dont know if i can ever do that, im to scared, hiding behind my image of the bitch everyone loves to hate. i dont want people to know how they can hurt me the worst, because somehow people manage hurting me well without any help of mine, so how would that end?
im scared of living my life, because i dont know if ill make the right choices or not.
im scared of falling in love, because i dont want my heart to be broken.
im scared of trusting people, because i never know when theyll come to stab me in back.
im not just listing these things because i dont know any better, no, these three fears and sadyl their truth are the story of my life.
okay so maybe im exagerating a little, its not like my life sucks that bad, its just, maybe im just a little scared of the person im becoming, because i dont no if i like her.
but why tell you about all of this? well lucky for me, none of you people out there knows me, which makes all of this pretty safe for me. easy.
but dont expect anymore outbursts of feeling or any goodness from my side. no matter how i feel, that is so not me. nothing you can do about it.